Sex | slowcatchupkuan

Posts Tagged With 'sex'

2

Reason Why i Have Never Strike a Lottery

Reason Why i Have Never Strike a Lottery

 
This comes a little late, i actually broke the mirror last week. Patronizing will be reason number 2 why i have not strike it lucky yet -_-”
 


 

Look how nicely the mirror is broken too; it’s almost symmetrically broken into two.

Now my cosmic penance is in deep sh*t because someone told me (i forgot who) at a young age when i first broke a compact mirror that breaking a mirror is going to cost me 7 years of bad luck and that idea kind of stuck with it till today.

So when i thought the first reign of bad luck is over, klutzy me went and broke another mirror. Now i’m going to have another 7 years of bad luck or if according to Heidi Klum (on an episode of Project Runway), i’ll have 7 of sexless life. Great…

Superstitious or not i have this bad feeling. Oh you know how it is… it’s like one of those things that the elderly or someone told you when you are young and even though you don’t believe it (not really) you tend to mindlessly abide by the rules; like feng shui advise for not to place your bed facing the door or window. I don’t see what good it’s going to do but i still abide by that rule; my bed is always facing the wall.

Anyways, the mirror is still on the table and i wondered what really superstitious people would do to counteract the bad luck. I read on a website that i am supposed to grind the broken mirror into dust so that there is no reflection so my soul wouldn’t be trapped in it or better still bury the mirror under the tree on a full moon.

Erm… wow, really??? I think i’ll just wrap it up and dump it in the thrash. I’m too lazy. That’s reason number 3 why i have yet to strike it rich.
 
 

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1

Top 3 Men I’ll Do Anything With

Top 3 Men I'll Do Anything With

 
I thought this would be fun to do since i am such a lousy blogger with nothing to write about. So i thought i would steal a topic from others. Haha.

Anyways, i read some blog posts over the week, they were writing about the top 3 hottest men (celebrities lar else their partner will go amok and who cares who they are secretly besotted with in real life anyways right?!) that they would love to bonk.

I was like “Yeah i could pick a few names out of my head just like that and i could give you a hell long of a list if you would really like to know!”

But just to keep with the flow i’ll just name 3.
 

#1 – Ryan Reynolds
 


 

Do i even need to explain??
 


 

Any man that looks this good with a tux, without one; with beard and without is on top of my list! The abs, the perfect abs man… i would do anything to touch those abs.

How can someone be so sexy yet so guy-next-doorsy??! *swoon*
 


 

And for that, even though Scarlett Johansson is gorgeous, i hate her. And while i am at that, i hate Sandra Bullock too. That nude collision? It should have been me!
 

#2 – Johnny Depp
 


 

Gawd i have something for bad boys. Johnny Depp should have been number 1 but Ryan Reynold’s abs won.

Nevertheless, Johnny still has a special place in my heart.
 


 

He’s great looking, sexy and talented.

He’s a pirate for god’s sake! He even looks delicious in eyeliner!
 


 

#3 – Jonathan Rhys Meyers
 


 

For the blue eyes and sexy Irish accent.
 


 

And for his sublime body.
 

Actually i’ve never heard of him or watched any of his movies till i saw him in one of the Hugo advertisements. And i was hooked.
 

Ok, he sucked at From Paris with Love (as John Travolta’s sidekick) but he looked great in the Armani suits who cares about his acting.

I wouldn’t mind being the XX chromosome here.
 


 

Hmm… it seems that there is a recurring patent here. All 3 guys have gorgeous body and looks great in tux. Haha.

Who’d the top 3 on your list?
 
 

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1

Sin City

 
What do you think of the idea of getting married just to have sex?

It’s crazy right? But i know lots of people who did that. The marriage ended up in divorce within months but they knew that would happen and didn’t care. They just want to “do it” so they tied the knot.

I think it’s really wrong. Not so much that they are actually insulting the idea of marriage but because of their beliefs and thinking. To them it’s legal, it’s acceptable and religion wise it’s not wrong.

They think it’s sinful to commit sex before marriage because religion forbids it but they think it’s ok to get married not for love but just for sex. Why? Because religion says it’s ok to do sex after marriage.

Kids nowadays have the guts to run to Thailand to get married so they can have sex legally without being caught by JAWI and most important, because “doing it” without getting married will piss the lord. I’m stunned.

Which is worst? Get married to have sex then get a divorce after a few months or accidentally impregnate someone then get married because it doesn’t hurt to get free sex then get divorce after a few months? Speechless.
 
 

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16

Malaysian Blur On Sex

 
The news on ‘Singaporeans Blur On Sex‘ is old news but i still don’t get it. I was utterly speechless when i read the news about many Singaporeans who don’t know how to ‘do it’. Ok i can kinda forgive those who are inexperience in sexual intercourse but the couple already did it like about 1,000 times and still don’t get it?! The hymen still intact??! *which black hole did you en route to???…

What’s more hilarious is that the guy is a doctor *holy crap now i know why i have a phobia going to clinics!

Thank god it’s not happening in Malaysia… Yeah right.

Before you guys laugh yourself silly at our ‘beloved’ neighbours, here’s a conversation that i roughly recalled from my college days. *i swear i didn’t made it all up k and sorry it’s a lil bit vulgar.

JoeHandFling: Ei actually which… uhm… ‘hole‘ do they… uhm… you know what…
Me: Girl, there’s only 3 ‘holes‘ lar.
SirenPipu: Yeah. One to urinate another to defecate. You think which one?
JoeHandFling: There’s 3 ‘holes‘??!! So many meh… Wow…
EatAllYouCanShung: Don’t tell me you didn’t know. You’re a girl!
JoeHandFling: No.
Me, SirenPipuEatAllYouCanShung<: -_-" . . .

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JoeHandFling: I really don’t understand why people can get high doing oral sex…
SirenPipu: Why? Certain people like it wat.
JoeHandFling: Can get high meh? Oral only wor.
Me: Ei you know what is oral sex or not?
JoeHandFling: Of course la. I just don’t understand why if you just talk talk talk to your partner then he’ll get high…
<EatAllYouCanShung: WTF! Hahahahahahahhaha!
Me, SirenPipu: -_-”

Stop laughing. Ignorance is everywhere. We’re not any better.
 
 

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7

Spread Some Love

 
First of all please do not laugh at my primitive aged mobile phone. Now you know why i desperately joined the Chipster contest. My Sony Ericsson went on a suicide mission and never came back. I think he *yes it’s a HE merajuk coz i keep dropping him on the street and occasionally thrashed him when i emo, so his pride was a tad bruised) Now i’m just grateful that i have this (loaned from my life saver).

Well, my trustee Nokia woke me up insanely early this morning. Some moron sent me this sms.
 

sms1
WTF??!! Now i’m wide awake!
 

Do i look like a have prostate cancer?… Err… do i even look like i have a prostate??

Nevermind. They’re just selling herbal products… or so i thought…
 

sms2sms3
Wow! That makes me want to have some so i can have a happy rumah tangga!
 

What’s with everyone trying to sell these tongkat ali and kacip fatimah stuff? I really don’t get it. If it’s a health product then it’s ok. But… arghhh… just look at the description. “Meningkatkan daya seksual. Suami hebat. Isteri Gembira….”. My goodness! Could they be more conspicuous?

If you CAN’T do it then go see a doctor or something. If you CAN do it but wants to have a hell rising orgasm, then go exercise and practice more!

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Or maybe we should get some coz if we don’t, then we would have a gloomy rumah tangga. No fun lor.
 

sms4
So young?? Woo hoo!!
 

I didn’t bother censoring the mobile number. After all, isn’t publicity what they wanted? Plus it’s from a Cik Gee, so i thought i’ll lend a hand to my fellow female counterpart *wakaka girl power! Hmm… i’m guessing she’s either not happy with her husband’s ‘ability’ or… she has an ..ahem… extremely happy life with her husband so she thought she’ll spread some love around.
 
 

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5

Jakarta Undercover Bares It All

 
The book i was looking for was not available at Borders Bejaya Time Square, so i picked this up instead. With stories on seedy red-light districts, underground club circuit, sashimi sex… don’t blame me for being curious!
 

Jakarta Undecover by Moammar Emka features many stories about the unlimited sexual services (from sashimi sex to nude casinos) available in Jakarta, the capital of the world’s largest Muslim country. However, the book which was supposed to have taken Indonesia by storm and sold a whopping 200,000 copies was really errr… unexceptional.

The scenes depicted in the book were dull and each story sounded similar from start to finish. Starting of with the author gaining access via his network of social contacts to exclusive nude parties and sex-for-hire clubs for only the rich and famous and ending with the too-good-to-be-true author declining sexual favors, dignity intact. To be fair, this book was translated to English being the original written in Indonesian language, so the original one might be in a better taste.

Most scenarios were of no surprise coz it does not just happens in Jakarta but in almost every red district around the world. *We’re in great danger! Overly-horny people are everywhere! The interesting part is in this densely Muslim populated part of the world there were even sex-for-sale in chauffeured driven SUVs where customers get to choose the brand of kick-ass luxury cars they prefer. *Sex On Wheels!! Woo Hoo!!

In all, its just a series of mediocre stories. While reading it, I was distracted and more interested watching a middle-aged Australian couple sitting beside me, enjoying Night Fever by Bee Gees while pretending to be a drummer and keyboardist on invisible drum and keyboard set while their son did some karate moves.

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Found out later that there was a Indonesian movie adapted from this book under the same title. Unfortunately this movie was banned in Malaysia *18SX ma!, coz i think it’ll be way better than the book. Check this out.
 


 
 

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