Humour | slowcatchupkuan

Kamasutra 101

Continuation from McDreamy Doing The Hanky Panky – Part 1

We interrupt to bring to you a community message all the way from Confederation of Russian Spies.

It’s been said that only the best of the best could give a TRUE lesson on the ritual of love making. After all, we can’t believe in anyone giving us advice on this intimate issue. That includes porn stars and Hollywood stars… except for Mike Myers. He is the new Love Guru isn’t he?

Well, in my books, the Hanky Panky and Mcdreamy team is the ultimate Kamasutra Guru. Even their names suggest their extraordinary talents. (I suspect being a Russian spy makes alot of diifference. Maybe their intensive training involves bending certain parts of the anatomy… to escape laser beams?)

Enough of blabbering, i’ll let the pictures do the talking.

Eaglespread

Cowgirl

Jackhammer

Doggy

Didn’t i tell you Russian spies are sexy and flexible? Have a nice day.

McDreamy Doing The Hanky Panky – Part 1

Rummaging through my 2 big plastic box of memories, i found a long lost friend. A gift from Chloe.

Meet Mr. McDreamy.

Mr. McDreamy

Ok. He doesn’t look very McDreamy. A little dirty but what do you expect for someone who’s main occupation is sitting in a plastic box gathering dust and mites. Err… i’ll hose him down later (puns not intended).

Ms. Hanky Panky chilling out

Anyways, remember Mr. Hanky Panky? Well, Mr. Hanky Panky and Mr. McDreamy are best of friends. Best bros. Best chums. Buddies forever. Oh, i think you get what i mean.

Mr. McDreamy and Ms. Hanky Panky are BFF

Mr. McDreamy and Mr. Hanky Panky sits all day in my pandora bag wasting the days away. One hanging on my Lumix, another hanging on my keys.

Besides jamming, ~~getting wasted~~ having drinks together and ogling at hot chickas (All off them the pretty-key-chain-soft-toy type of course. Nothing but the best of women for these macho fellas) , these two butt heads practices a ritual whenever they meet. They love to wrestle each other… to show off their masculinity perhaps.

Wrestling match gone awry

Mr.McDreamy being the shorter and less rounded one always lose.

Mr. Hanky Panky gets the kick out of kicking his fine arse. Occasionally Mr. Hanky Panky would laugh hysterically whenever he sat on Mr. McDreamy while panting out of breath the whole time. If i didn’t know better i would have thought he was having an orgasm.

Boy do i have a vivid imagination… i must be hallucinating.

Mr. Hanky Panky getting his daily kicks out of kicking his opponents arse

Or so i thought… till one day i caught them sleeping together O.o

Caught in the act

It turns out that Mr. Hanky Panky is actually a female in disguised. I shall think that she’s a Russian spy on a crucial mission to save the world. It’s only my guess since she won’t admit it. She said that she’ll have to kill me if she tells me the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I rather not die so early in my life. I’m not dying before i try French cuisine.

So from now on, it’s Ms. (not Mr.) Hanky Panky.

I could have sworn that she was a man… although come to think of it i should have guessed by her feminine taste in clothes. She’ll wear nothing but red, day in and day out. And… and… i always thought the 2 butons in the front was just 2 buttons on her shirt or maybe a pair of man boobs. Well, now i know for sure they are real genuine boobies from Russia.

To be continued…

Chinese Language

I’m proud to be a ~~Malaysian~~ Chinese. We truly have the most colorful culture and might i say, language.

We were sort of discussing something (that i now obviously have no memory off) and the matter of foul language made in into our topic. He was saying that his colleagues were teaching their ang moh bosses bad words which turned out to be a hilarious and amusing session of head scratching, mispronunciations, finger pointing and ended in satisfied back patting. I could only imagine. Besides a few mothers who got cursed and maybe the few genitalia which got ‘applauded’, no one was hurt.

But one thing that i’m definitely sure is, their bosses had just had the most interesting lesson of the Chinese language. We Chinese have really got a way with foul words. Not only do we curse our poor opponent, we also curse his/her mother (usually female gets it more than others -_-”) and if we have our way, his/her ancestors and the generations to come would be roped into the fight and be condemned for eternity. -_-”. Heck if we had our way, not even the genitalia or innards would be spared.

When the Chinese curse, we do it to perfection. *wakakakaka!

For example:-
tiu lei (fark you)
tiu lei ah ma (fark your mother)
tiu lei ah ma chao hai (fark your mother’s smelly pussy)

Not only do we find it necessary to involve the opponent’s family members, we are also master of description. Note the word ‘smelly’.

Another example is, in English we used the word ‘shit’ quite freely. Like when we accidentally bang into the cupboard we say “Shit!”. Or if we forgot to wear socks to work we say “Shit!”. Or when someone forgot to hand you the assignment you call him/her “Shit head!”. But Chinese language doesn’t stop just there. Shit is not disgusting enough. Instead of just “Shit”, we say “Sik Si!” (“Eat shit!”).

What else could you think of? I can think of a thousand and one Chinese foul words that are so creative it’ll make you puke. But let’s censor those for now.

Let’s just say, you haven’t learned your bad words till you learned it the Chinese way.

KY : Are You British In Bed?

Have you tried this KY passport control (sexual nationality) test? It’s called ‘Are You British In Bed?‘. Darn Brits comes up with about everything don’t they? LOL.

Apparently i’m an Italian in bed. :P

“Passion is everything. Merely holding hands with your loved ones can move you to tears and you periodically set fire to your bed after sex as a sacrifice to the Gods of Love.”

Caution. I’m hazardous. :P

Ps:// I’m also 60% Brazilian and 50% Taiwanese in bed. Does that make me a multi-national? *wakakaka!

Hunk Stalker, Babe Repellent

Introducing the dynamic duo.

The Hunk Stalker

Vs.

The Babe Repellent

*Muahahahahahahaha! Wtf indeed!

Do You Walk Around In The Room?

This blood type thingy is darn adorable and freaky. I’m type O and the characteristics are 90% true LOL. Blood bank should start to worry. Its the ~~excuse~~ reason i never donated blood before in my entire life. Wouldn’t want to sabotage other people *wakakaka!

What type is yours?