Sometimes i just feel overwhelmed… in fact overwhelmed is really an understatement but i couldn’t find any other words from thesaurus to replace this word. Buried? Conquered? Crushed? Engulf? Massacred? Maybe smothered or defeated but those too are an understatement.

I feel so stressed out because i’m constantly bombarded with calls from friends and family members asking me to run errands or asking for help or even asking me to pass messages or just calling me to lament about their problems. It’s like my number is a welfare hotline.

I’m not saying i’m some proud superhero that could get anything done or i’m super sociable and likable so people like to call on me but the fact is people do that to me. Am i such a push-over? Sigh… i don’t know. And it’s like it’s never enough. Everything i do is never enough. People tend to think my help is a small favor to ask for but they do not understand the extent i have to go to in able to lend a hand. When someone asked me for help, don’t they understand that they are not the only one? I have thousands and one things on my mind already.

I’m really tired of life sometimes.

I have to wake up in the morning and walk the dogs else the dogs will go without their toilet break at all. I have to come home and prepare things for cooking and do the cooking. I have to bath the dogs and prepare their meal. I have to remember to bring in the washing from the drying line. I have to remember mom and dad’s doctor’s appointment and also my sister’s. I’m like a freaking calendar.

I also have to worry whether my parents are taking their medication. Then i have my own work to complete. In the evening i go home and i have to iron clothes sometimes and clean the house if i am up to it. Else weekend will be spent cleaning. On top of everything, i receive calls for me to do small errands which they do not understand will take up part of my limited time and energy.

And i receive calls moaning about their stressed out life. Sigh… Mom is sad she tells me. Dad is not feeling good i’m the first to know. Sis is not happy on the job; i’m the one worrying about it. Sis gets bullied in the office i hear about it. Sis has abdominal pain she come to me for help to make appointment at the doctors. Sis wants to buy something i have to pass message to the other sis. Dad’s needs cash i’m the one to go to. The dogs needs to go to the vet, it’s me. The dogs need to pee, hello me again.

I have insomnia and fever every time things crops up. It’s like i’m a worrying machine now. At times I just break down because I feel guilty that I couldn’t help. Sometimes I just have no energy to do anything but my mind still feel stress out all the same…

You know, i just want to migrate to get away from these people because i’m afraid that my depression will get worst.

Ahhh…. I don’t know what shit I’m jabbering about now… i really need some sleep.